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21 March 2010 @ 10:01 pm
[Arashi] Waking  
[Title] Waking
[Author] honooko
[Rating] R
[Warnings] Hospitalization/coma.
[Notes] For dramaticsurgeon, winner of my help_haiti auction. She asked for Aiba/Jun hurt-comfort. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! Thank you! ♥

Aiba remembered the sounds most clearly. He remembered the hissing of the machine that was inflating his lungs, slow and deep. He remembered the beeping of the machine that kept track of his heart beat. He remembered a vague, chaotic sound that was probably the nurses and patients rushing around the hallways outside his room.

And he remembered when Jun talked to him. Not clearly, not words, but he remembered Jun's voice floating through his mind, over the fuzz of drugs keeping him sedated and the hum of electronics. Jun sounded so scared, like his world was falling apart. Aiba only really had one clear thought then: I have to hold his world together.

Now, the sounds haunted Aiba like ghosts, shadows of another time when things went wrong. He held Jun's hand in his and squeezed, just hard enough to make him feel like maybe Jun would know he was here—maybe Jun would know he was the one waiting, this time.

"Wake up, Jun," Aiba said softly. "It's time to wake up."


Jun was not allowed to drive his car.

"Oh, c'mon," Jun said. "I dinged it once!"

"You ripped off the mirror," Aiba corrected. "I trust you with my life, but you are not driving my car."

"Don't be such a baby," Jun grumbled as he got in the passenger seat. "I paid for the repair, didn't I?"

Aiba slid into the driver's seat. He ran his hand across the steering wheel, pleased with the texture. The seat was perfectly adjusted, and the mirrors had been tilted to ideal angles. He turned the key and couldn't help but grin as the engine purred.

"Sorry, Jun," Aiba said. "You should be happy I'm even letting you shotgun."

"Funny," Jun said dryly. "Don't forget I'm the only one that knows where we're going."

The road trip-slash-vacation had, in fact, been Jun's idea. They had a break from shooting TV shows for the holidays, and things just sort of lined up perfectly. At first Sho had been set up to come too, but he'd bailed at the last minute when his younger brother was dumped by his girlfriend.

"He keeps looking at her picture and sighing," Sho had explained over the phone. "I think I have to be here to offer him some man-to-man support."

"So your skills with women are genetic?" Aiba asked. "Huh."

Sho hung up on him.

"Turn right up here," Jun said. "Before the dancing pine tree sign."

Aiba turned as Jun directed; they'd been on the road forty minutes already, but Jun was staying pretty quiet aside from navigating. Aiba looked at him sidelong, trying to catch his eye without completely losing sight of the road.

"So," he said. "How're things?"

"Hmm?" Jun answered, not looking up from the map in his lap.

"Things," Aiba said, "with you."

Jun looked up; his expression was fixed and somewhat unreadable. He seemed to be waiting for Aiba to say something else.

"I thought you didn't like traveling with me," Aiba pointed out to fill the silence.

"I like traveling with you," Jun said. "I don't like listening to you sing along to your terrible music, or make sure you don't act like a moron when you drink too much, or having to take a shower after you and discovering you've managed to use every single towel and leave them all sopping wet."

"Oh," Aiba said. "You kind of sounded like my mom for a second there."

Jun smacked him on the back of the head and went back to reading the map.


Ohno was radiating calm. Aiba had no idea how he did it; Nino had told him that when Aiba got sick, Ohno had become an unspoken pillar of support. He was rock-steady, even when they were all in the ER, waiting to hear whether or not Aiba had even made it to the hospital.

"It was so weird," Nino said. "He was crying, but he still seemed stronger than any of us."

Aiba understood what Nino had meant now. Ohno pulled up a chair next to Aiba, watching Jun's face. They were all watching, waiting; they'd been taking turns sitting beside Aiba. Every time Nino came around, he kept one arm looped around Aiba's back; Sho always brought food that Aiba didn't eat.

Ohno just listened.

"I hate the smell in here," Aiba said to Jun. "I asked the nurse if I could put one of your scented candles in here, but she said no."

Ohno huffed a small laugh.

"When you get out of here, I'll get you some more of those," Aiba continued. "Flowers too, if you want them. I was going to order some for you here, but I can't remember which ones you're allergic to."

"He'll tell you," Ohno said quietly.

"Yeah," Aiba said firmly. "He will."


Jun had brought along the pre-release of the best-of album. They'd only gotten about four songs in before they'd started laughing; the memories flooded back with the music.

"Oh my god," Jun said. "Is that me? I sound like a dying animal."

"I don't think I'm even in this song," Aiba said.

"They cut you out," Jun said with a grin. "They could only afford to pay two of us for this single."

"So what, they pick Ohno and you?" Aiba said. "That doesn't seem like a good deal for their money."

"You're just jealous," Jun said with a laugh.

"Is this seriously one of our songs?" Aiba said, giggling. "Does it count if they autotune three of us out entirely?"

"Do you remember the choreo for this?" Jun said. He was laughing hard now, his head back. "We did the Charleston in the PV!"

"I vote we just pretend the first three years never happened," Aiba suggested. "No raincoats, no parking lot PVs, no mysterious studio substitutions."

"Agreed," Jun said. "Arashi is officially seven years old."

They arrived at the onsen right on schedule, just after six. Jun swore up and down that the attached restaurant had the best shabushabu he'd ever eaten, so they hefted their bags with them in one trip to the front desk to check in.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said nervously. "We've overbooked."

"What?" Jun said. His tone dropped into one of annoyance; Aiba winced in sympathy for the clerk who was about to get chewed out. "I made the reservations a month ago."

"I'm terribly sorry," the clerk repeated. She seemed genuinely apologetic about it, Aiba thought. "We've only got one room, not two."

"That's okay," Aiba said brightly over Jun's shoulder. "We'll share."

"We'll what—" Jun started, but Aiba was already taking the keys, handing one to Jun and pushing him by the shoulder towards the stairs. Jun growled, still clearly irritated, so Aiba kicked him lightly on the back of his knee. Jun stumbled, shooting Aiba a look that suggested it would be his last night on earth.

"Cheer up!" Aiba said, darting out of range of Jun's vengeance. "I'll leave you a hand towel!"

He had not accounted for Jun's aim when chucking his key at Aiba's head. It bounced off his temple and hit the floor in a noisy jangle.


Aiba was glad he hadn't been there. He'd seen a bit of the news footage and had to close his eyes; Jun wasn't supposed to look like that, so small and broken. It was on practically every station, so Nino had gotten the front desk to turn off all the TVs in the waiting room. He'd turned off the one in Jun's room by himself.

Sho came in. He held out a convenience store onigiri, but Aiba shook his head. He wasn't hungry.

"You should eat something," Sho said gently. "It's been a while."

"Can't," Aiba said. "Sorry."

"Look," Sho said. "Either you eat this now, or I bodily drag you out of here for a real meal in an hour."

Aiba looked at Jun; he couldn't leave. He just couldn't. Not now, not until he was sure. Aiba took the onigiri from Sho and ate it; he didn't taste it at all, and it settled in his stomach like a lead weight. But Sho seemed moderately satisfied, and took up his post next to Aiba in silence.

"We should all get yakiniku, when this is over," Aiba said.

"Sure," Sho said, putting his hand on Aiba's shoulder.


"Let's put our futons next to each other," Aiba said excitedly, dragging one out of the closet it was in. Jun sighed, hanging up their coats and straightening their shoes in the genkan; Aiba had kicked off his sneakers in a haphazard manner. Jun lined them up neatly, ready to be slipped back on.

"Why?" Jun asked patiently.

"Because it'll be fun!" Aiba said. "Like a sleepover, or like the old days on tour!"

"You flail in your sleep," Jun said. "I'll wake up bruised."

"That's not flailing," Aiba said with a leer. "That's me taking advantage of you while you're unconscious."

"I'd throw this shoe at you," Jun drawled, "but I happen to really like this pair."

"Aww, more than me?" Aiba trilled.

"Much more," Jun assured him. "Now let's eat."

Jun hadn't been lying; the food was incredible. Jun kept combining vegetables and meats and putting them on Aiba's plate for him like Aiba was a child who needed someone else to feed him. It was cute in a funny sort of way.

"Thank you, Mom," Aiba said brightly after Jun placed another piece of food on his plate.

"Shut up," Jun said without any heat. "You splash it too much."

"So cranky," Aiba commented. He nudged Jun's shin with his foot underneath the low table. "Relax, we're on vacation! Here, try this fish. I'm not sure what it is, but it's good."

"It's snapper," Jun said, taking a delicate bite. He seemed pleased with the taste though, because he waved his chopsticks in Aiba's direction in a request for more. Aiba gathered up an enormous pile of the sashimi, every single remaining slice, and handed the plate to Jun. It looked absurd. Jun rolled his eyes, but began to painstakingly swirl each piece through the boiling broth. He took a bite himself, then held the next one out for Aiba.

Aiba ate it off Jun's chopsticks. As soon as his lips cleared the wood, Jun poked him in the cheek with them.

"Pig," Jun said, smiling.

Aiba oinked at him and chewed as noisily as he could, just to see Jun crack and burst into giggles.


"They want us to make a press statement," Nino said, sticking his head into the room. He looked, for once, much older than he was (or at least older than he usually looked.) He also looked like he was considering murder.

"Let the managers do it," Sho said darkly. Nino shook his head.

"They want us," he said. He sounded like he was furious and trying as hard as he could not to show it. Aiba wasn't sure if he knew Nino so well that it was obvious, or if Nino was just shitty at hiding it. "I told them to get bent, but Julie said we should do it."

"Go ahead without us," Aiba said softly. Sho looked at him sharply. "We'll wait here."

"Masaki—" he started, but Aiba shook his head.

"I'll be right here," Aiba said. "I'm staying right here."

"...Sho, if you give us something to say, Oh-chan and I can do it," Nino said. "We just need a script."

"Sure," Sho said, still looking at Aiba strangely. "Just give me a second."

Aiba squeezed Jun's hand tighter; he didn't want to stand in front of cameras right now. He didn't want to be anywhere except right where he was, with Jun. If the damn media couldn't understand that, well, then screw them.

Jun needed him more.


Jun was much more relaxed after dinner. He had eaten a full, hot meal, and Aiba had graciously let Jun pick the softest towel and nicest robe to wear down to the onsen. Aiba's robe was a little bit too short, but it didn't really matter when he was just going to be taking it off in a minute anyway.

"Mmm," Aiba said as he inhaled deeply. "I can smell it."

"It's beautiful," Jun said sincerely. "The water is really clear, you'll see."

"I sure will," Aiba said, leering as he threw an arm over Jun's shoulders. Jun rolled his eyes.

"I am not afraid to drown you," Jun said blandly. "In fact, I might enjoy it."

"Me too," Aiba said brightly. "I love those hot-cold types of people."

They undressed and sat down to wash; Jun was always particular about bathing order. He started with his face, then his hair, and worked his way down his body, right to left. Aiba washed in a random manner; he scrubbed what was closest, or what itched, or the last part he remembered washing. Mostly he was too busy watching Jun. The expression on Jun's face was one of total concentration and tranquility. He was the kind of person to truly enjoy scrubbing away the day's little worries and stresses in a literal manner.

Aiba didn't have to ask Jun's permission to wash his back; they'd been doing this for years, and Aiba knew Jun's pattern well enough to come in right on cue. He ran the washcloth across the back of Jun's shoulders, massaging slightly as he went, moving down his shoulder blades and spine. Jun was slightly ticklish in the middle of his back, so Aiba didn't spend much time there.

He loved how limp and pliant Jun would get by the time Aiba finished. Aiba was thorough, mostly because he knew that's exactly how Jun liked it, and partially because touching Jun was always a little bit exciting: he never knew how long it would be tolerated, or how long he could go without forgetting himself.

"Your turn," Jun said, sounding slightly disappointed Aiba had finished. Aiba turned his own back expectantly—this was a rare treat.

In comparison with how he washed himself, Jun washed other people with shocking tenderness. When Sho or Nino had back problems, Jun was always the one to slip into their shower stalls and smooth away the pain. He noticed knots and twitches of muscle beneath skin and paid them special attention and care. Pain melted away when Jun focused on it.

Aiba didn't have any particular back problems that he was aware of, but if he did, Jun was definitely getting rid of them. He sighed into Jun's touch, his eyes closing as the soft (ridiculously soft thanks to the frequency with which Jun moisturized) feeling of Jun's hands glided across his skin.

"If you fall asleep," Jun murmured in his ear, "I'm not dragging you back upstairs."

"Aw," Aiba said. His voice was slurred with lethargy. "You'd leave me here to freeze on the tile?"

"Yes," Jun said. "And then I'd laugh about it when you caught a cold."

"I know you'll warm up to me eventually," Aiba insisted. "It's how you hot-cold types work!"

"Don't get your hopes up," Jun said, grinding his thumb into a spot in Aiba's lower back that made his entire upper body go limp.

Once they got into the onsen proper, time started flowing strangely. It felt like an eternity in heaven; the warm water lapped at their bodies, the steam hovered around them like a cloud, and a flush rose across their skin as they slowly warmed up to match the temperature of the water.

"If you start to drown, don't worry," Aiba assured Jun, "I know CPR."

"Proper mouth-to-mouth doesn't involve tongue," Jun reminded him.

"I use an alternative style," Aiba explained. "It's a specialty."

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days," Jun drawled, leaning back. Aiba laughed, floating closer to Jun. The steam was thick, but not so heavy that Aiba couldn't see the color on Jun's collarbones or the bob of his throat as he swallowed. A thin layer of sweat glistened across his skin and Aiba drank in the sight, somewhat sure that Jun wouldn't notice his lingering gaze across the bath.

Until he looked up, and their eyes met.

Aiba knew he should probably look ashamed, or embarrassed, or at least a touch remorseful. But Jun wasn't snapping at him; he didn't even look mad. Instead, he was watching Aiba with an open, questioning expression. Why was Aiba staring?

He shrugged, unsure of how to safely respond to an unasked question. Jun raised an eyebrow; he apparently didn't trust Aiba's dismissal and wanted an actual answer. So Aiba threw on a bold grin and leered.

Jun splashed him and groaned.

"Pervert," he said. Aiba vaguely attempted to look hurt by the accusation, but he still slid into place on the seat right next to Jun. He expected a rebuttal or scolding, but Jun was more relaxed than he'd thought and had no problems allowing Aiba to sit close enough to feel the small waves of water rolling outwards with every inhale of breath.

"If Sho were here, he'd tell us we were in here too long," Aiba said. His voice was soft; there was no need for volume when they were so near. Jun smiled.

"Sho doesn't know how to relax," Jun said primly. Aiba laughed.

"You would know all about relaxing, huh?" he teased. Jun slid down further into the water and leaned sideways. Aiba tried not to jump when Jun's head fell back onto Aiba's shoulder. He took a moment to be glad for the small white towels across their laps.

"A bit," Jun said quietly.

They fell into silence, and Aiba counted the rises and falls of Jun's chest.


Aiba was counting Jun's breaths. Or rather, he was counting along with the respirator that was breathing for him. It was an unsettling thought that he quickly forced out of his brain; he didn't want to really look at this whole situation with focus and rationality.

There was nothing rational about the way Jun was so bizarrely still.

Ohno and Nino had given the press statement—Sho had thrown together a quick and bare-bones script for them, which they stuck to firmly. They did not accept questions from the press. The statement had been fairly vague: Matsumoto Jun hospitalized, members ask fans to support Jun and the other members during this difficult time, further information will be released later.

"Later" was mostly a cover for, "We don't know what's going to happen yet."

Nino sat down next to Aiba, his arm immediately falling around Aiba's waist. He stayed quiet, waiting to see if Aiba was going to speak first. Aiba's eyes had drifted to Jun's hand where it was clasped in both of his.

"Your nail polish is chipped," Aiba said out loud. Nino shifted beside him. "I'm sorry." He was sorry; Jun was so fastidious about his nails. They looked perfectly manicured at all times; no scratches, no nicks, no chips. Aiba wasn't sure if Jun just re-painted them every day, or if he genuinely had developed a skill for never catching his nails on anything. It upset Aiba to see them unkempt.

Nino must have sensed Aiba's dismay, because he got up and started rummaging through Jun's bag. The nurse had left it with them, fearing that there might be fans amongst the staff that would think nothing of taking a piece of Matsumoto Jun's Belongings. Nino found a bottle of nail polish, a dark purple that matched what Jun had on already, and brought it back to the bed.

"Let's fix it for him, okay?" Nino said, holding the bottle out for Aiba.

"He doesn't let me do them," Aiba said hesitantly. "I make mistakes."

"Then he can yell at you later for it," Nino said.

Aiba sucked in a sharp breath; later. Later. Later, Jun would yell at him and smack him on the back of the head and then, when no one was around to see it, apologize for overreacting a bit and forgetting to take off his rings before delivering a thump of justice.

"Yeah," Aiba said. "He can get mad at me later."

Gingerly, Aiba started to paint across the chips.


"Cheers," Aiba said, holding his glass of beer aloft. Jun clanked his against it a little more gently than Aiba would have.

"Cheers," he said before they both drank from their glasses. Aiba chugged; Jun drank a more leisurely pace. The beer was good, locally brewed. They also had a small bottle of sake should the mood strike them, although Jun refused to allow Aiba to pour until he'd finished at least one glass of water.

"If I get sick, you'll take care of me," Aiba said peaceably.

"Exactly," Jun said. "And you're a whiny patient."
Aiba leaned back on his elbows; they were seated at a small round table on the tatami floor of their room. In the ten minutes it had taken Jun to apply all his moisturizers and creams in the bathroom, Aiba had arranged the alcohol by type, and sampled two.

"No poison!" he informed Jun brightly when Jun came out of the bathroom.

"What a shame," Jun said, sitting down next to Aiba and grabbing a bottle for himself. They chatted a bit: how was Jun's movie going, a joke Shimura Ken had told Aiba the other day, and whether or not Sho realized the new intern wanted to jump his bones six ways from Sunday.

"He'll figure it out eventually," Aiba said firmly. Sho was a bit dense, but he still had a penis that (occasionally) thought independently from his brain.

"Before or after she gets her hands physically in his pants?" Jun questioned.

"Technically, she already has done that," Aiba pointed out.

"Tear-away pants do not count," Jun argued. "There is nothing sexual about a costume change."

Aiba opened his mouth to argue the point—Jun put a hand over his mouth, cutting him off.

"Scratch that," Jun said wryly. "There is nothing sexual about a costume change to normal people."

"I enjoy my job a lot!" Aiba said with a huge grin, talking into Jun's palm. Jun clicked his tongue in mild disapproval, and Aiba took the chance to drop a kiss on the inside of Jun's wrist. Surprised, Jun withdrew his hand and gave Aiba an odd look.

"You—" Jun said, but stopped himself. Whatever thought he'd held back seemed to trouble him enough for Jun to pour himself a shot of sake and knock it back. Aiba hummed at him, nudging Jun's leg with his elbow. It was the way Jun had done it that bothered him; it looked like Jun was hoping the alcohol would wipe his brain clean of something unpleasant.

"Sorry," Aiba said sincerely. Jun shook his head, looking upset.

"No, that's not—that's not it," he said. Aiba frowned, tilting his head. Jun was well-spoken in almost every subject, and he'd certainly improved over the years, but a few things—like his feelings—were difficult for him to put into words.

"Does it bother you?" Aiba asked. Does it bother you that I like looking at you? That I like the way your hands look when you've got a pen in them, or how you still have the same laugh you did when you were fourteen? Does it bother you that I—

"No," Jun said. "That's just it. It doesn't bother me."

"That's... bad?" Aiba said, confused.

"I don't know," Jun said with a sigh. "Shouldn't it bother me?" His own statement seemed to depress him further, because he took another drink; he grimaced as the sake burned down his throat. Jun looked at his cup, chewing his lip. He was making some sort of decision by himself—it was apparently a difficult choice, because Jun downed another shot. Aiba wanted to say something comforting, but he still wasn't sure why Jun was unsettled.

"Slow down," he said instead. "I'm the crazy drunk in the room, not you."

"I need to be drunker for this," Jun insisted. He lifted the bottle to pour another, but Aiba sat up and pulled it out of Jun's hands.

"For what?" he said, worried. Jun drank, but he never drank. Or at least, not with other people present.

Jun met his eyes; Aiba sucked in a breath. There was slight irritation in Jun's expression as well as resignation. He'd made his decision, apparently.

"For this," Jun said, shrugging. "For you."

"...You've lost me," Aiba said, honestly thrown.

"We are alone in a hotel room, after eating together, bathing together, and now we have a table full of alcohol," Jun pointed out. "You of all people should be able to put this one together."


"I didn't go on a vacation with you so I could sleep with you," Aiba said a bit defensively.

"I know that," Jun said, rolling his eyes. "And like I said. It doesn't bother me."


"Yeah, I know," Jun said, smiling crookedly. "I don't get it either."

"...It doesn't bother you?" Aiba said carefully. "Not even a little?"

"No," Jun said. "Does it bother you?"

Aiba turned so he was sitting cross-legged, face-to-face with Jun. It was important he got this one right; Jun was a kind, generous person, but sometimes he only gave you one chance. Now or never, as they say.

"You never bother me," Aiba said seriously. He caught Jun's wrist and lifted it up, planting another soft kiss on the soft skin over his pulse. Jun inhaled sharply; Aiba smiled and nipped playfully.

"I swear, if you leave a mark on me, I will... do something," Jun warned him half-heartedly. Aiba leaned in, slow and careful, pausing a few inches from Jun's lips.

"You could bite me back," he suggested with a snicker.

"I could," Jun agreed softly. And then he closed the distance between them, kissing Aiba firm and sure; there was no more doubt in his mind, that much was clear. He was kissing Aiba like he'd planned it out—he might have, if Aiba thought about it. Either way, Aiba was impressed.

Aiba was a sloppy drunk; apparently, Jun was a frisky one.


"Oh no," Aiba said suddenly. Everyone looked at him, confused. Aiba's expression turned stricken.

"What?" Nino asked.

"His plants," Aiba said, true horror in his voice. "Nobody watered his plants. They have to get watered twice a day, he told me—his neighbor does it when he's away, but he didn't tell her to this time. They haven't been watered all day."

"Masaki," Sho said gently. "Calm down."

"No," Aiba said. "They need water, Sho; he takes such good care of them, and if they don't get watered, they'll wilt and d—"

Aiba's jaw clicked shut. Everything in his head—every thought, every image, every feeling—shut down on the word. He felt like he was crumbling inside. He could see Jun watering the plants; he could see how Jun would stick his fingertips in the soil to see how damp it was, before pouring just enough in the pots. He'd shown Aiba how to tell when it was enough, and let him water one. He even had a tiny little cactus, perched on the kitchen counter. He didn't water that one more than once a week.

Jun's plants were probably dying.

Jun was—

"Don't," Nino said, and he sounded as sick as Aiba felt. "Don't even think it."

"I just—" Aiba started, but Ohno's hands settled on his shoulders. Aiba looked at Jun's face, and suddenly felt tears pouring down his own face. He'd stopped crying hours ago, but they welled up again, and he started choking; short, cut-off sobs that he tried to hold in.

"It'll be okay," Ohno said firmly. "We love him; it'll be okay."

"I'm going to make you sorry for doing this to us," Aiba informed Jun through his tears. "Just you wait."

And so they waited.


Aiba's futon arrangement had proved to be quite convenient; he broke the kiss, using his hold on Jun's wrist to pull him forward. Once they were clear of the table, Aiba started showing off his own considerable skills with kissing. He sucked Jun's lip between his teeth and bit down gently; he was rewarded with a groan that sent a shiver right down his spine. Jun licked at the roof of Aiba's mouth and the hand that wasn't supporting his lean over Aiba's body started pulling impatiently at the robe. Aiba pulled the belt open before winding his fingers through Jun's hair, cradling the back of his skull. Leaning back until he was lying flat on the futon, he steered Jun over him, Jun's knees to either side of Aiba's thighs. Jun was breathing fast, soft pants across Aiba's cheek as his hand started to wander.

"Can I—" Aiba started, but Jun pulled open his own robe and started sucking at Aiba's jaw. He paused long enough to breathe out, "Yes," and Aiba laughed, because Jun sounded so annoyed when giving him permission to touch. But he didn't need to ask again; he slid his hands down Jun's chest before resting on his bony hips.

"I'm not a girl," Jun said against Aiba's throat.

"I noticed," Aiba said.

"Good," Jun said. "So I don't need to mess around." He finished the statement by dropping his hips and grinding. Aiba moaned, completely unashamed by his volume. His own hips rose to meet Jun's in a messy, off-beat rhythm. One of his hands left Jun's hip to catch his chin and bring his head back up for another kiss, deep and rough. Jun's threat about marks echoed in his head, and Aiba bit at Jun's throat, nipping with each pant that left Jun's lips.

Jun was supporting himself with both hands; Aiba wrapped one leg over the back of Jun's thigh, bringing their cocks closer as they continued to roll against each other. They'd struck on some sort of beat that sent waves of intensity cascading down Aiba's body. Jun growled at him, his eyes falling shut. Aiba kissed him, hard and bruising. He could feel his own orgasm building, and he was fairly sure Jun wasn't far off—Jun's back was tensing with each thrust, like he was making a great effort not to come.

Aiba wrapped a hand around their cocks, sliding in a loose, easy grip. Jun choked and Aiba could feel the exact moment Jun gave up on keeping himself together in the kiss. The thought of Jun consciously giving himself over to climax at Aiba's hand sent him over a few strokes later.

Jun had broken the kiss as soon as he came, biting his lip so hard it split.

Aiba caught him, rolling them over onto their sides as they waited for their limbs to stop shaking. He wiped a bit of blood off the corner of Jun's lip, dropping a peck on the wound. Jun laughed, his chest heaving.

"Okay," Jun said. "That was worth it."

"Worth what?" Aiba asked.

"Worth having to fight your pervert hands off me every other second for the next week," Jun replied.

"Or," Aiba suggested, kissing his way down Jun's neck, "you could let my pervert hands complete their mission."

"Or that," Jun said amiably.

Aiba's pervert hands got a lot of action that week. And the week after; and the week after that.


"I was supposed to be there," Aiba said. Sho scowled.

"Masaki, you have to stop," he said.

"I was," Aiba said. "We were supposed to go to the store together; but Julie wanted to talk about the Odoroki SP next month, so I was late and he went without me."

"If you were there," Nino said, "You would both be in here."

"Or just me," Aiba said. "It might have been just—"

"He got hit by a drunk driver in the passenger side door and smashed into a streetlight," Nino said. The words sounded hollow and cold, and Aiba knew it was because the only way Nino could say them was to disconnect from them completely. "If anyone had been sitting in the passenger seat, they'd be dead. Jun is not dead, Masaki. He's not dead, and you're not dead, because you weren't there."

Aiba looked at Jun. He wanted so, so badly for it not to be true.

"I'm glad you weren't there," Nino said. Ohno grabbed his hand; it clearly hurt Nino a lot to say that.

"But he won't wake up," Aiba said.

"He will," Sho said. "He will, Masaki."

Aiba looked at Jun's pale face. His eyes didn't flutter; he wasn't dreaming. Jun's eyelashes were dark, highlighted by the whiteness of his skin. He looked cold and beautiful in a horribly broken way that ripped Aiba's heart up inside. He wanted Jun to hit him. He wanted Jun to call him names. He wanted Jun to laugh against his collarbones and make him breakfast and complain that Aiba used all the towels again.

"Jun," Aiba said, squeezing Jun's hand. "Please."

Jun remained still.

"Please," Aiba repeated. "Jun. It's time to wake up."

Nothing. Nino pressed his face into Ohno's shoulder; Ohno stroked his hair and shared a look with Sho. There was nothing they could do to help, now.

"Wake up, you jerk," Aiba said. "I think I killed your plants. And I love you."

It happened in a heartbeat; suddenly, impossibly, Jun's eyes opened.

Aiba stopped breathing. Jun blinked. Jun looked at him, his eyes struggling to focus.

"Good morning," Aiba said, feeling tears drip off his chin. He smiled so big, his cheeks hurt. "Good morning, Jun."

The doctor removed the respirator half an hour later. Jun was concussed and had a lot of pain medication running through his veins, but he knew them. He couldn't remember the accident, and they kept having to remind him what he was doing in a hospital. But sometimes he squeezed Aiba's hand back, and once he reached out with a wobbly arm to knock Aiba lightly in the head.

"What was that for?" Aiba asked, trying to hide how utterly thrilled he was that Jun was back to abusing him.

"For waiting," Jun rasped. And then, after a beat, "And I love you too."

Aiba beamed at him, pressing a kiss to Jun's cheek.

"Stop that," Jun said irritably. "It makes my head hurt."

Aiba kissed him again anyway. Jun let him.

"Idiot," he scolded.

Aiba knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that soon enough, Jun would be utterly, absolutely, completely fine.

He couldn't have stopped smiling if he'd tried.
Current Music: Glee Cast - Smile
Rinnyrinalin on March 21st, 2010 03:13 pm (UTC)
This was so beautiful. I loved the back and forth, I love how they came together and Arashi holding themselves (and Aiba) together. You did a wonderful, amazing job.
炎子honooko on March 21st, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ^^
narusaku4vrnarusaku4vr on March 21st, 2010 04:07 pm (UTC)
This was simply beautiful. Sho,Nino and Ohno holding Aiba up for Jun.
炎子honooko on March 21st, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC)
I just love fivesome interaction. XD Thanks!
MATRIARCH アヤコン: [arashi] ot5tangiblewhimsy on March 21st, 2010 04:20 pm (UTC)
I know how much trouble this gave you, so I think it is important that I tell you that you pulled it off very well.
炎子honooko on March 21st, 2010 11:49 pm (UTC)
fdskhfjk the longest Aiba/Jun I've ever written! Thank you. ;o;
i_am_zan: ArashiAii_am_zan on March 21st, 2010 05:38 pm (UTC)
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing, thank you for volunteering yourself. Thank you to the bidder who won this ... because we all did.

Well done.
炎子honooko on March 21st, 2010 11:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading~!
Circe: Hold on to mestill_ciircee on March 21st, 2010 06:53 pm (UTC)
This was just achingly lovely. I love how you move between the past and the present, love how all of Arashi comes together and never lose hope. I love Aiba's memories of his own hospital stay and how focused he is on being there for Jun in the same way. I love all of this beyond words. It's amazing.
炎子honooko on March 21st, 2010 11:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I really wanted to include the contrast of Aiba's illness, so I'm glad that worked for you. XD
dramaticsurgeondramaticsurgeon on March 21st, 2010 09:23 pm (UTC)
<3 <3 <3

You are so awesome words fail me. D:

That was just beautiful. Despite my incoherent babbling of a prompt, you managed to put everything I asked for in here--you even showed how Ohno really is Leader. It looks like everyone had an equally important part, which is just what I was hoping for. "Awesome" doesn't come close to what I want to say, but I can't spam the comment section with hearts. XD

Thanks again for writing this, and for offering your skill to help Haiti! I'm going back up the page to re-read this again. ^_^
炎子honooko on March 22nd, 2010 12:06 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it! I was hoping I could hit all the main points you really wanted; it was kind of a new theme for me, so I'm really happy it's what you wanted. ^^
r_1_ss_ar_1_ss_a on March 21st, 2010 09:32 pm (UTC)
this was really amazing. i loved everything about it. the aiba/jun, all of arashi together, everything! <3

i cried when i first read it and then re-read all over again, and will prolly still reread it.

thank you for this and being something to help haiti was even more awesome! :)
炎子honooko on March 22nd, 2010 12:06 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading! :D
Naomivarziel on March 22nd, 2010 12:31 pm (UTC)
It's so lovely, I love how you write the phases, I love how you write Aiba. Thanks for sharing. ♥
it's like talking to soupwaxrose on March 23rd, 2010 05:00 am (UTC)
Ajfhjff, crying. ;_____; I think you really managed to nail the Aiba/Jun dynamic I love best, with Jun and all his prickly-softness and Aiba's perceptiveness. Wonderful. ♥
Love is a seaweed roll: shhhh {smap}nakchi on April 4th, 2010 04:13 am (UTC)
I liked this a lot! Especially this part:

They fell into silence, and Aiba counted the rises and falls of Jun's chest.


Aiba was counting Jun's breaths. Or rather, he was counting along with the respirator that was breathing for him.

The mirrored action was just perfect. Idk why, but that part really got to me.
god damn these electric sex pantsnicefinalbeam on April 12th, 2010 04:43 pm (UTC)
"Me too," Aiba said brightly. "I love those hot-cold types of people."

That was my favorite line. :D

I'm glad that I'm in a place where I can read this now without freaking out. LOL. You really handled this well. Ironically? When Mason was in his coma, we painted his nails purple. Totally serious!

If only everyone ever in a coma would wake up when someone says 'I love you'. That was sweet. ♥
in a tree: ARASHI ; nino - magician ♥fueledbysoba on April 21st, 2010 01:22 pm (UTC)
That was beautiful and very well-written ;____;
The characterization was very accurate, and I loved how Jun woke up when Aiba said 'I love you'. And how Ohno, Nino and Sho were all backing up Aiba when he was so close to breaking down.

I love your writing ♥ But you've really pulled it off this time. Good job 8)
Jackiejackie on May 5th, 2010 09:02 am (UTC)
I kneeeew I shouldn't have read this at work, but dammit. lol

This was great. I love the cutting back and forth between scenes - the past and the present. A+ tears. <3
pandapuff007pandapuff007 on June 13th, 2010 02:32 am (UTC)
I'm not going to lie, this has become my FAVOURITE Jun/Aiba fic, and I really don't think any others are going to knock it off that spot.

You somehow kept the changes between the devastation of Jun's accident and the happiness of their weekend away perfectly balanced, and set in a way that had me smiling and happy one second and on the verge of tears the next.

I absolutely love your writing style, and thank you, this fic just made my day. :D
thefortysecondthefortysecond on June 24th, 2010 04:13 pm (UTC)
(I don't comment on fanfictions, EVER, becuase I'm a little embarrassed and weirded out by my habit of reading RPF, so I stalk. But after I came and found this fic for the third time, and bookmarked it, I realized that I had to say thank you :P)
明日を信じて進みたい: arashiwy_nike on July 4th, 2010 08:45 am (UTC)

im glad u didnt kill jun.
i was so tempted to scroll down to the end of the story to check if he dies, cos if he did, i would have stopped reading.
i managed to fight off that temptation tho,
and i think it's partly because i wanted to read abt the past as well.
thanks for sharing this! <3
Paula0paula0 on March 22nd, 2011 10:35 am (UTC)
Aw! I love this! This is just the right kind of sad. Also I like happy endings, so this kept me on edge until the end. :D Aiba is so devoted, I love that as well. Spot on!
ginger001ginger001 on April 18th, 2011 10:47 pm (UTC)
Little by little I'm getting fond of Aiba/Jun pair. This fic is really beautifully written and I love every single moment Aiba and Jun shared. I like their interaction and I heart how the rest of Arashi was there behaving as I think they would in a situation like that. I could totally pictured them all while reading. Again, I really love it! Thank you so much for writting and sharing it!!! ^^ And I truly appreciate the happy end!! XD